Gay/Bisexual-Aspergers and such?

I am in trouble here. I am an 18 year old with high functioning autism. I wanna say my sexual life is lame. I am a virgin, had two girlfriends and nothing worked with those two. I had a crush on this boy at age 14. He was a junior in high school in 2007. We have known each other for 4 years and I STILL find him sexy and attractive he also smells good, I like his interest in politics and anime. We dated 4 months ago But I left him telling him I wasn't ready for him. he understood and we are still friends. But I lost my thing for women. for 9 months I have been masturbating while thinking about guys and I can't get this guy out of my mind. I mean im 18 and hes 21 so in college I will always be thinking about him and will be unable to form a relationship with women in college. I think my aspergers is deceiving me. I mean aspergers prevents me from making relationships with others. So this whole gay thing might be involved with it. I have been gay for 12 years really. I kissed a boy when I was 6, I love what I see in gay porn, I fooled around with my 10 year old friend when I was 11. STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS!!! I feel like crap. Women are these delicate beautiful creatures and I lost it for them. Instead I got men in my head. I hate my autism I really do =(. im an adult now, no longer a child. Im afraid of the world and homosexuality. Gays always tell closet cases to "embrace the homo" "don't resist" But theres gotta be something I can do