How would you react if your child did this to you? / have any ways that might help calm down my son?

This is a difficult question to answer. Of course if my son told me these things I would be hurt and it's okay to feel that way. It's really difficult to raise a child with these different diseases and disorders. I don't know if you are interested in this information but it sounds like a lot of these things, adhd, depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety could be from having the autism. A lot of children with autism get these diseases/disorders. And of course the trauma probably plays a large part as well. Has he been to a psychiatrist and been on any medication? I don't want to really suggest that he should take medication but I have heard of a study with aripiprazole where it is coupled with an antidepressant to treat mild autism. This may be somethings you want to speak about with you child's doctor or a psychiatrist. The main thing to do is be patient and try to understand that what he is saying is because he is frustrated. Keep telling him you love him. When he says he hates you or "go kill yourself" tell him that you love him. Some kids with autism don't like to be touched and so they will spin or rock back and forth to comfort themselves. A book that may help you is "Dibs in Search of Self." I have not read it but it has been recommended to me. It's about an autistic child. I have been told it has some therapeutic techniques that are good for children with autism. Just keep telling him and showing him how much you love him. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs after physiological needs and safety comes the need of love. I hope you find something that works.